They can't come--should I still send the invite?

Well I guess my opinion differs from everyone else. If they already declined after receiving a save the date card that doesn't even include the details that means they either really do not want to come, or there is no way they could possibly come. I wouldn't waste the postage. You send an invite to give the info and so they can receive an RSVP card to let you know if they are coming. If they have already said RSVP'd a no then I wouldn't waste the postage.

Okay, I don't know the Emily Post answer but I'll share what I did. I had relatives where it was the same situation. I knew for whatever reason that they wouldn't be able to travel 3,000 miles to attend my wedding, and I did not want them to think they had to send a gift. I still don't know if we handled it the right way.

I used my mom as a conduit (it helped that they were relatives she had grown up with - she has a huge family). She was able to sort of scout out which relatives where attendance would be a possibility for and which it wouldn't. Also, because my brother was getting married the same year, we didn't want people to think they had to come to both and end up with no one coming to either! So we were able to work out some relatives coming to mine, some to his, and we told them that their presence was more than enough of a gift.

For the relatives that couldn't make it, after making sure they knew they were welcome, we didn't send them invitations with the hopes they would not send a gift. Many of them did anyway, so in retrospect, I feel like we should have sent them.

I hope that helps - not sure if it will!

send them an invite anyway and either put a little note in there saying you know they can't come but wanted to send them an invite anyway or call them and ask them- I realize you won't be able to come to the wedding- would you still like me to send you an invitation to look at?

I'm not married, but I did have a bat-mitzvah. A lot of my guests did the same thing. For guests who received a save the date, but said they couldn't come, send them a letter with the invite, saying that you will miss them, but you understand, and that the invite is just a sentimental thing.

I don't think it's pushy at all. They will probably just think that you really want them to come. Maybe their plans have changed since, so it's a better idea to send them an invitation just in case.

You are not being pushy at all.

Despite their saying they can't come, it is still good manners to send out an invitation...especially since you sent them a save the date.

I would still send the invitation. First off, it seems like the right thing to do. Even if I knew I wouldn't be able to come to your wedding, I'd still like to see the invitation. Who knows...sometimes circumstances change and the person ends up being able to attend anyway, but if they have no invitation, it's hard to RSVP.

I guess I'm different. Anyone close to me that can't come, I speak to them enough that they know how I feel (understand their situation but would have loved them to be there) and anyone I'm not close to - well a) I probably wouldn't have invited them anyway and b) if they couldn't come then I wouldn't care anyway!

I guess I just don't feel obliged to invite anyone I don't want to.

I would send the invite. It is implied once the save-the-date goes out that an invite will follow. If you are trying to save $, then skipping invites to people who have already declined is acceptable.

what I am doing in that instance is send the invitation anyway, with a note that, while I understand that attending may not be an option for them right now, I want them to know that they are welcome and that they will be in our thoughts that day.

Hope that helps