did i write this good enough?

"So there I was, sitting in algebra. Dreaming about this guy. There he was, sitting RIGHT across from me! He was gorgeous! Maybe not to anyone else, but to me he was perfect. He was nice, sweet, and funny. He was best at what he did, sports. Five of them do be exact. Laccross, football, basketball, soccer, etc. Not to metion he was a people person. Everyone loved him. I dont know if it was from his good looks, or his love of many things. He was known from one end of the school to the other. Tall, dark, and handsom as he was, he still wasnt mine. I already knew that he would NEVER want to date me. Not in a million years. But i was willing to take that risk. So i spent about and hour writing a note. The note of notes. Two shades of purple, and most of what i had writted had been scratched out as it was to cheesey. It simple said: Dear Boy, I know this might be akward. But i have a question. Its ok, i understand if you say no. [but i knew i wasnt going to understand, never. i would lye awake at night wondering, where did i go wrong?]. But, WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?

sincerely, girl.

And then, about a week later, it 'somehow' ended up in his hands with his pencil acctually writing on it! I was going to know. Today was the day. But somehow today was not the day. He hadnt writted on it. He never saw it and it never ended up in his hands! What went wrong? Ok tomorrow would be the day. TOMORROW. Its letters seemed to find there way in the front of all my thoughts all day long. T-O-M-O-R-R-O-W.

But what if he had said yes? Or maybe he hadnt. How would i react? Ive never done anything like this before. What would happen? Would we live happily ever after? Would we even ever see each other again? By this time i had switched to 7th period algebra, and he was in 8th. Which seemed kind of ironic. Maybe it just wasnt meant to be, maybe i had to be in 7th period algebra. And he in 8th. I lye in the darkness of the 6 o'clock sun light. Waiting for my alarm to go off, so it could be tomorrow. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! T-O-M-O-R-R-O-W. Was in my head. Wait a minute....it was T-O-D-A-Y!!! I was sooo nervous. What would he say? Would he just put no with out a thought. Or yes? Or would he put deep thought into it and say he would get back to me? Nahhh. He wouldnt care, or maybe he would.

Standing at my locker getting my things in order for the day. And something landed on my knees. A simple piece of paper. Folded and crumpled. I had the answer right there on my lap and yet something kept me from opening it. Walking up the stairs...maybe i would take a little peak at it. NO! I wouldnt. I would wait until home room. Waiting. One flight of stairs seemed like 10, 2 seconds seemed like 2 hours. Finaly, one foot, two feet. I was there. No i wasnt. I still had to get to my desk. 1...2..3...4...5. Sit. I could now open it. But once again something stopped me. I wanted to share the news with my best friend [well on of them] as soon as i got the news. She was here. Sitting at her desk. Anxiously waiting for me to open it and scream YES! YES! HE SAID YES! But unfortunatly that is the exact opposite of what happend. He said no. To be more exact he said 'nah, i wanna be single'. I sat there in silence, until the little energy left inside me uttered out a whisper. 'no. n-n-n-o, he said no!' What had i done wrong? Was i too ugly? Or intimidating? Had i not made enough of an effort to get to know him? What did i do? What did i do? WHAT DID I DO!?!? Nothing. I had done nothing wrong and yet with out a care he put down those words. He had no clue what it had done to me. NONE. I was a complete wreck. Or was I? Maybe for that spilt second I was wreck. But yet i wasnt. Not one tear shed. I longed to be sad. God only knows why, but i did. I wanted to be that girl who wanted everything and when she didnt she wanted to be sad. But i wasnt. I was perfectly normal.

T-O-M-O-R-R-O-W. Tomorrow i was sad, not a wreck, but more sad than the day before. My life wasnt over, but it sure had gone to a steady hault. I was not a wreck. But i was sad. I had not ruined everyones lives around me, i simply carried on. I carried on....in a sad mood. But i sure made everyone aware of it.

Only true friends would help one another through this tough situation. Two of the three people i thought were my friends helped my through this. They go by the initials of A.E. and K.C. They were my two best friends and helped my through every tough spot. I love them like my sisters. Even though we had hard times we all seemed to pull through.

I am over him. I have a new life and will probably never see him again. My life isnt so bad. It is what wakes me up and puts me to sleep [no i am not talking about a person]. I have found the light in what i thought was a deep deep pit of darkness. What i am talking about is, life. Not obsession. I was obsessed and, life is better with out it."