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Why is it so hard to get pregnant?
I’ve known my ex for 7 years now. About two years ago, we’ve been having unprotected sex. We had sex two years ago on day 12 and 14 of my cycle. That’s ovulation days. I thought I was pregnant but I wasn’t. I got my period about two months later. That was disappointing.
We did it a few times before that. No pregnancy.
So we did it again about 2-3 weeks ago. We did it on day 12 & 14. Again no pregnancy as I have started spotting again. Yesterday I saw the spotting so I’m really disappointed.
I have been overweight throughout my 20s. My BMI has been 25-26. So I hit the overweight line. I’ve lost 5kg. I’m trying to figure out if there is anything wrong with me as I’ve heard horror stories of women trying to conceive and aren’t able too. I have a vaginal ultrasound and I don’t have PCOS. My periods aren’t completely irregular. Do you know what could be the reason? Me and my partner smoke cigarettes. But he smokes weed too.
No lol. I said “unprotected”, so definitely not on drugs.
No we haven’t had sex just 4 times. We’ve done it several times unprotected, during fertile times and non fertile times.
It’s just never worked out.
At times we’d meet in his car, and other times he’d come over to my place only when my family aren’t around. But now that my family know, we only meet in his car whenever he’s available but he works long hours so we don’t meet all the time. He’s a casual partner.
8 Answers
- alan PLv 74 weeks ago
The way I read this you've only had sex with this guy 4 times in the last two years. Even if you are both perfectly fertile and were in a steady relationship having sex as often as you felt like it could take a few months to get pregnant. If you have irregular periods you could be ovulating at random times. A BMI of 26 isn't very excessive. Smoking is not a good idea if you are pregnant.
- Anonymous4 weeks ago
Why are you trying to have a baby with your EX? That’s just insanity. Don’t raise a kid in chaos. But if you really want to conceive and can’t, see a doctor to get your fertility checked.
- Anonymous4 weeks ago
STOP limiting your sex life. Day 12 and day 14 might not actually be close enough to your REAL ovulation point. (also - you do NOT have two ovulation days - what you actually have is ONE ovulation day and a "fertility window". The fertility window begins a few days before ovulation - then ovulation is just the one time release of an egg. The fertility window includes the average number of days that sperm will live and wait for your egg.)
Sperm can live for up to five days. The egg only lives 12 to 24 hours. Having sex AT LEAST once every three days anytime you are not on your period will greatly increase the chances of hitting your right point for ovulation or at least having live sperm in there when you do ovulate.
Many women think that ovulation happens at about 14 days after the first day of their period - guess what - that is NOT RIGHT. Ovulation actually happens about 14 days BEFORE the NEXT period. For women with a 28 day cycle (which is the average for most women) - the math works either way. BUT - for women with slightly longer cycles - say a 35 day cycle - ACTUAL ovulation is happening at around day 21 which means sex on day 12 and 14 was TOO SOON and even the sperm didn't make it to day 21 - which is SIX DAYS LATER - and sperm only lives about five days. If you can't predict the number of days between your periods - then you CAN NOT even GUESS at your ovulation point. (and counting days IS JUST GUESSING anyway. ACTUAL ovulation can be early or late during any cycle for any number of reasons.) You could learn how to track your basal body temp to help better predict when your REAL ovulation is going to happen each month. You could also use ovulation tests to help predict the most likely time frame of ovulation. But - if you just have sex at least once every three days - you really don't need to track anything. You will eventually hit the right point at some time.
It also sounds like you have not been very committed to actually TRYING to get pregnant. You can't make random attempts and expect results. The average couple actually trying EVERY MONTH to become pregnant sometimes needs more than a year to be successful.
