My son is almost 30 but doesn't take his career seriously. How do I get him to become more ambitous?

Question

My son and I work at the same company. It's his first and only job where he works in the packaging department. I love working with him but it's a dead end job with low pay and it's not something for a young man to devote himself to. He has expressed an interest in studying and maybe going to a trade school. Another colleague of ours helped with finding good options for him to get an associate degree. The ones he suggested were two year programs in logistics or purchasing, both fine options since my son is not good with maths.

The problem is that my son is incredibly indecisive, passive and low key. When I discuss school with him the excuses start to come. I just want to light a fire under his @ss and get him going and excited about life. I know, from experience, that if he doesn't do it now, most likely he never will. He is almost 30 years old and fortunately he has no other responsibilities but himself. It won't get easier as he gets older, that's for sure.

He has some ambition but things take time for him. The problem is the applications close in 2 weeks and won't be open again for another year. This is a general issue he has had throughout his life that he never gets started. He usually expresses an interest in things, I try to help him to get the ball rolling, and then nothing really happens. Have you dealt with this as parents? How did you handle it?

Anonymous · Answer

Usually when they are forced to move out and pay their own bills, the rest takes care of itself

? · Answer

Not as a parent but as a son.  I always wanted something going into university, i went into university 1 (first year classes) not knowing what i was getting into in the end.  Having that extra year i think really helped me decide after i got into the mood of university i decided what i wanted out of life and i took it.  Although, i’ve always been more a creature of habit.  Where i take breaks at work, my daily routines if i was going to get mugged i make it very easy for people.

Patricia · Answer

Maybe expect him to fend for himself and stop babying him and butting into his life.

Brodie · Answer

Burn down his house.

LizB · Answer

"I just want to light a fire under his @ss and get him going and excited about life."

That's probably not going to happen, buddy. If he's never shown much ambition about work before, it's not going to suddenly appear at 30 years old. He may just be one of those people who only works a tolerable job for a paycheck and finds enjoyment and fulfillment in life outside of work. And you know what? That's perfectly okay. Not everyone needs a high-powered career with lots of money to be happy.

TBH what you need to do is back off and stop trying to parent your adult son. He is THIRTY. He's legally been an adult for 18 years, and his life is his own responsibility now. He'll never do anything for himself if you keep treating him like he's a teenager. Hopefully he at least no longer lives with you.

Ranchmom1 · Answer

You cannot want something for someone that he does not truly have the passion to accomplish.

He is employed. He is self supporting. This may be as far as he is able to go given his traits. Accepting this will give you fewer ulcers.

FWIW, I know many people who did not start on a degree that required further education until they were in their forties.

Rick B · Answer

In my experience, associates degrees are useless.  Either get a Bachelor degree in a field that is actually in demand (nursing, teaching, criminal justice, etc) or learn a trade (welding, blumbing, electrical, auto mechanic, etc).  I have never conducted an interview where I considered an associate degree to be of any value - it basivcally just meant that the person could not finish their bachelor degree.

What do yo udo?  As a parent, you set a FIRM dealdine for getting out of your house and starting to live like a grownup.

He is 30.  He has been an adult for 12 years.  Why is this your problem?  What has he been doing for the last decade?  Are you enabling him/supporting him????  If so, it is time to stop.  You did not do him any favors by allowing him to remain a little boy for the last 10 years.

And no, I have not dealt with this.  Both my kids are go-getters who want to earn a good living and get out of the house.

My son is almost 30 but doesn't take his career seriously. How do I get him to become more ambitous?

7 Answers