How do you split the housework in your home? ?

Question

My husband and I both work full time jobs. He works about 50 hours a week, I work around 45 hours a week. We have 1 child and 3 dogs. Our home isn’t big, but we have 3 bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a giant kitchen that all take a lot of upkeep to clean. My standards for a clean house are pretty high. I make sure the floors get swept and mopped at least once a week, and I deep clean the bathroom AT LEAST twice a week. I also handle the bill paying, the grocery shopping, and about 70% of the cooking.

My husband works overnights & takes care of things like the garage, the mowing (3 months of the year) and the vehicle maintenance, and he always takes out the trash, but it still doesn’t feel like we are splitting the work evenly, as those things don’t require weekly upkeep. I never wake him before noon on his days off (per our agreement) and usually by the time I DO wake him up, the housework is finished.

Today I wrote some things down on the counter that still needed to get done, I’ve had a busy morning. I had a list, and I wrote him a small list too - take out the trash, and unload/reload the dishwasher. He is now upset with me because I wrote him a list.

Was this unreasonable?

How do you split the housework in an otherwise 50/50 working household?

something fishy · Answer

your husband could clean the floors twice a month and he could food shop more as well as prep dinner for family.

in our house hubby takes care of all bills, banking, etc, dogs, poop clean up and all purchases food, treats and grooming, calling appointments drop off pick up as well as the vet. he does all the trash dumping, can out . He also takes care of the pool all year chemicals and skimmimng daily. he takes care of the car and all needs.

i take care of most the shopping and cooking and clean up as well as menu planning. i do all the laundry, bedding and floors 2500sq ft twice a week, as well as all the yard work mowing, trimming, watering. i do all the grilling, smoking, bbqing. i clean 3 bathroom about 3 times a week. often 2 are the worse.

overall it all works out

this year we are working on him learning fast prep meals, one pan oven dinner and how to operate the IP.

i think its about phasing in different aspects of what happens around the house and what you need help with.

in our house everything has a home...belongs in a place...everything and less is best so not a lot of clutter or pile up or sorting. just put things where they go. simplifying the process is key verses dividing.

? · Answer

we split it 50/50
  I create ir- the wife cleans it

Rita · Answer

Discuss your frustrations when you and your partner are calm. ...
Be understanding of each of your histories. ...
Account for every chore that needs to be done. ...
Pick specific days to complete household chores. ...
Don't criticize how they choose to accomplish their chores.

Eva · Answer

You should be doing the bill paying together. Both of you need to know what your financial situation is.  On nights you cook, he should be responsible for the clean up and vice versa.  Hopefully he does some activity with your child to leave you free to do the grocery shopping.  Deep cleaning the bathroom twice a week seems a bit excessive if everyone tidies up after themselves.

Maxi · Answer

What I or other people do is irrelevant, you two need to talk and decide between you who does what...... so stop treating him like a child and you being the parent and talk to him as an equal adult as while you dictate like an overbearing parent you will get  the same response from him as you get from a stroppy teenager

? · Answer

I do all of the housework because I'm the only one who lives here. I keep up with the basics. I also do all of the home repairs. I buy a new car every three years. I'm going to keep my new Jeep after last winter.

Pearl · Answer

i dont, i live alone

n2mama · Answer

I’m in agreement with “A Hunch” in this one. If you are the one setting the standards for the level of clean in your house, then it becomes your responsibility to meet your own high standards. I do not agree that bathrooms must be deep cleaned AT LEAST twice a week unless the people using them are so disgusting with every use that they are completely missing the toilet with each use and not rinsing down the sink after brushing teeth, etc. And if that’s the case, what needs to be changed are those behaviors, not how often you deep clean the bathroom.

If the two of you made an agreement that you wouldn’t wake him up before noon on his days off (because he works nights) and you choose to do all the housework before he gets up, again, that’s on you. You can just as easily wait until he is up to tackle the housework together, but if you choose to do it without him you don’t then get to be upset he didn’t help you.

Chore division is rarely 50/50 in households. If you are unhappy with the current division in your household, you need to renegotiate your agreement with your husband. But you also should be well aware of your own part in the current situation. If you want him to do more housework, you may have to relax your standards of clean.

A Hunch · Answer

This has nothing to do with personal finance.

You don't get to split the housework 50/50 because your idea of how often housework occurs is unreasonable.  Bathrooms on average get cleaned every other week, not twice a week.
= since this is your expectation, then you get to do it.

He is your HUSBAND, not your child.  Doesn't the note sound more like a parent to a child?
Your husband has every right to be perturbed with him.  You don't want to treat him as an adult.

18 gibbs 20 · Answer

It would have gone over a lot better if you would have said honey can you please empty the dishwasher rather than writing a note. That's the issue from his side. Not the request.  The method.

How do you split the housework in your home? ?

10 Answers