My parents did.... and I turned out fine?

FINE is an acronym for Fvcked up, Insecure,Neurotic, and Emotional.

What the person is telling you is that even though parental behavior was unhealthy, I somehow survived and on the surface have my life together. They are also telling you that the switches are turned off in their head to recognize this same unhealthy behavior in themselves or in their spouse who they chose because they parallel the behavior they grew up with. Because of this, their children will be subject to the repeat the same unhealthy behavior they observe as normal. Children learn what they live. Maybe not in the same direct bad way their parents did but in an equal and sad method of parenting that does not put their children in a path of warmth, love, and affection.

Yes some children can survive anything, but who as a parent wants to intentionally cause harm their children? Because what we experienced as children seems so familiar, we often choose this familiarity over healthy behaviors and justify that we survived it ok. Just remember, your children are the creation of your heredity as well as your spouse's. Their ability to survive the chaos you perceive as normal may not be as strong. If I do not instill healthy tools in my children how to love,share feelings, ask for help when needed, stand up and protect them when something is wrong then how can I expect their fate will be any different? That is the sad part. Unfortunately the parents realize this long after they have paved the way to ingrain this behavior in their children and only then realize my justifications for my own poor behavior have passed the banner to another generation to contend with. How sad.

Most people that use that phrase are insinuating that they aren't murderers, criminals, drug addicts, or degenerants of some kind. That they are average people that as children were subjected to something psychologist think is detrimental to their welfare.

We can all say at one point or another that our parents did something that psychology deemed reprehensible...spanking for example and it didn't turn us into the violent psychopaths that people like Dr Spock said it would.

I would have to say that the violence we see among young people today is ALL because of psychologists like Dr Spock telling parents that the generations before them did it all wrong. Children today are way more violent, way more self-centered, and lazy than previous generations because parents work too much, get their parenting techniques from psychology books, and use the tv way to often as a babysitter.

So there I've summed it up...my parents did and I'm doing it too.

I don't work and raise my own children.

I don't allow them to watch tv...outside of the approved DVD's that I've pre-watched.

I do discipline my children and talk to them about consequences and how people should behave and treat others. I am very careful about the literature that I read concerning child rearing because I know the damage it has done in decades past.

God willing I'll raise God fearing, hardworking, happy, non-violent, patriotic, citizens with a desire to help their fellow man...just like my parents did.

sometimes yes, sometimes no. oftentimes people go through bad phases as kids (drinking, smoking, drugs, cutting, sex you name it, l know some people) and they may or may not grow out of it as they grow older, or they may get some serious help and turn out okay.

quite frankly, if you think the person is so messed up and they're lying to themselves, is that any of your business? unless they're suicidal or otherwise hurting themselves or they come to you often, you should just say "Thanks, but a bit too much information."

it seems to me that they're not trying to convince themselves that they're okay, but that their parents were really good parents, even when they weren't. if they're really as screwed up as you say, that could be the case.

then again you never know, there are exceptions to every rule. i know someone who came from a meth family who's morally okay, though he has a drinking problem, but he was a good kid and he's a good guy. there are also lots of different degrees of screwed-upness, if that makes any sense.

I went through 16 years of abuse. I now own my own small business, and am doing fine. I don't need to convince myself of anything.

what are you talking about

my parents did it?

did what?