They can't come--should I still send an invitation?

Question

I know that everyone who gets sent a Save The Date, should also get an invitation to the wedding, but what if they say they can't/won't come after getting the Save The Date? (It's a long way to travel for most of the guests.) Should I still send them an invitation? It seems a bit pushy. I seem to remember Miss Manners having something to say about this, but I can't remember her answer. Does anyone know what etiquette dictates in this situation?

Update:

Jonny, I totally understand the sentimental value which is why we're still sending them to our family members who can't come. I'm wondering more about friends from high school I haven't seen in ages, etc.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Yes send them one. even though they cant come it is always nice to know you are invited.  If you feel pushy because they said they cant come then send and additional letter inside the invite and let them know that you know they cant come and that is fine but you still wanted them to get an invite.

Cindy H · Answer

No, they can get an announcement. You can even do a special one for them which says something like "I know it's a very far distance for you to travel, but I wanted you to know about the wedding and to thank you. Also, please call me if you would like to come and i will send you an invitation." This is not strictly ettiquette, but it is a nice gesture. I would put this on an insert card as a personal note to these specific people. There are many people who you wouldn't invite to the wedding for various reasons, expense, travel, relationship, but it is appropriate to send them an announcement. The other thing is, an invitation requires a gift whether they come or not, Announcement people can send a gift if they want, but are not obligated.

Jonny B · Answer

When I was stationed in Germany one of my cousins got married.  Even though there was no way that I could attend I asked for a wedding invitation so that I could keep it in a scrapbook.  Its there to this day with a picture of him and I in our baseball uniforms at 9 years old on the opposite page.

Sober_Reality · Answer

If they made a point to tell you they would not be able to make it, I personally wouldn't send them one because I would feel like I was fishing for gifts.  If for some reason they go out of their way to ask you why they didn't get an invite you can be honest! 

Good luck & CONGRATS! :)

Anonymous · Answer

If they say they can't/won't come, it's more polite NOT to send the invitation.

alchaley · Answer

If its a family member then i would say yes, send them one anyway. If its not family then i would suggest not to send one. Good luck!

Brian S · Answer

if they've already told you that the can't/won't make it, you don't need to send them an invitation.  it's kinda redundant and a waste of postage.

KathyS · Answer

I would not waste the stamp.

They can't come--should I still send an invitation?

8 Answers